Special Event Network / Finger Lakes Weddings & Events

Unity Candle Ceremony

The Unity Candle lighting ceremony is usually performed after the couple exchange vows and rings and before they are pronounced "husband" and "wife".

Prior to the wedding ceremony, a large single Unity Candle and two side candles are placed in holders (with one candle on each side of the Unity Candle) and arranged on the altar or a small table in the area where the wedding ceremony will be performed.

It is a good idea to light the wicks for just a moment so that during the ceremony your candles will light that much easier. Many styles of Unity Candle holders, Unity Candles and fancy side candles are available and can be purchased at your local Party or Wedding supply store.

There are several options for lighting the side candles.

* Traditionally, the mothers, representing their side of the family light the individual side candles after being escorted down the aisle and before being escorted to their seats. The mother of the groom lights the candle on right and the mother of the Bride lights the candle on the left.

* You can have your parents come forward to light the side candles as a symbol of your two families coming together as one.

* You can have the best man and the maid of honor light the side candles.

* You can have the wedding officiant light the side candles.

* You may light the side candles yourselves from a candle on the altar.

The lighting of the Unity Candle by the bride and groom symbolically represents the pledge between the two individuals and the merging of the two families. During the ceremony, the bride takes her side candle and the groom takes his side candle and simultaneously they light the single large Unity Candle between them and then return the side candles to their holders.

You may decide to extinguish the side candles or to leave them lit. You may blow out your individual side candles to symbolize the extinguishing of your two single lives and your commitment to one another. Or, you may choose to keep the side candles burning to symbolize that your individualness is not extinguished, even though you are united in marriage.

If you choose to extinguish the side candles, you may wish to add the following to the ceremonies below:

"As _________and__________ together light the center candle, they will extinguish their own candles, thus letting the center candle symbolize the union of their lives. As this one light cannot be divided, neither will their lives be divided."

If you choose not to extinguish the side candles, you may wish to add the following:

"_____________and___________ come into their marriage relationship as individuals and they do not lose their identity, rather, they use the individuality to create and strengthen the relationship of marriage. Therefore, the three candles remain lighted, one for each of them and one for their marriage, as symbols of their commitment to each other and to a lasting and loving marriage."

After the lighting of the Unity Candle, a song is usually played or sung. See Suggested Songs for Unity Candle and Rose Ceremonies in this section.

At this time, if you are not using the Rose Ceremony, you may wish to present a red rose to each of your mothers (and your grandmothers). (See Presentation of Other Roses at the end of the Rose Ceremony)

Some couples keep their unity candle and relight it on their anniversaries. There are many versions of the Unity Candle Ceremony. We have included three versions.

Side Candles Not Lit by Your Mothers
"______________and_____________, the two separate candles symbolize your separate lives, separate families and separate sets of friends. I ask that each of you take one of the lit candles and that together you light the center candle.

The individual candles represent your lives before today. Lighting the center candle represents that your two lives are now joined to one light, and represents the joining together of your two families and sets of friends to one."

Mothers of Bride and Groom
If the side candles are lit by your mothers, you would use the following ceremony:

"______________and_____________, the two separate candles symbolize your separate lives, separate families and separate sets of friends. I ask that each of you take one of the lit candles and that together you light the center candle.

The side candles represent the light of your separate lives before today. It is appropriate that the Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom each lit these candles as it is from these from which the light of your life first shown forth. Lighting the center candle represents that your two lives are now joined to one light, and represents the joining together of your two families and sets of friends to one."

Including Children
If children are involved and you wish to include them in the Unity Candle ceremony, the mothers could still light the side candles and there would be an additional small candle for each child. At the beginning of the Unity Candle Ceremony, you would light the smaller candles for the children using your individual taper candles and you would all light the center candle. If this is done, you would use the following ceremony:

"______________and_____________, the two separate candles symbolize your separate lives, separate families and separate sets of friends. I ask that each of you take one of the lit candles and that together you light the center candle.

The side candles represent the light of your separate lives before today. It is appropriate that the Mother of the Bride and Mother of the Groom each lit these candles as it is from these from which the light of your life first shown forth. Lighting the center candle not only represents that your two lives are now joined to one light in marriage, and the joining of your two families and sets of friends to one, but also represents the unity formed in this new family in which your lives will now shine as one family."

Memorial Candle(s)

If you would like to include a special moment in lighting a candle for a lost loved one (or lost loved ones) you can do so during the Unity Candle ceremony. You may wish to include parents, grandparents, close relatives, or children.

Include a separate table near the altar or at the front of the church and place a Memorial Candle (or Memorial Candles) in memory of your loved one(s) on it. Ask your officiant to include them at the beginning of the Unity Candle-lighting ceremony. A suggestion would be,

"Before ___________and____________ light the Unity Candle to symbolize their union, they will light a candle (or candles) in honor of ____________(name(s) of loved one(s)), whom they dearly miss, and who they know is (are) present with them here today."

At this time, you may wish to place a rose in front of the candle(s) in memoriam. You can have the Memorial Candle(s) personalized with the name(s) of loved ones through your wedding or party supply store.

If you have several people you would like to include, you could use a candelabra with single taper candles or taper candles in individual candle holders.

The Rose Ceremony

In the Rose Ceremony, the Bride and Groom give each other a Red Rose. Two roses are all that is necessary. In the old language of flowers, a single red rose always meant "I Love You".

Note: If you have children coming into the ceremony, you will also need a red rose for each of them. You may also want to honor each of your mothers and grandmothers at the end of the ceremony by presenting them with a red rose (see below).

The Rose Ceremony gives recognition to the new and most honorable title as "Husband and Wife" and may be added to any other ceremony. It is placed at the end, just after the Unity Candle ceremony. The words to the Rose ceremony follows.

"Your gift to each other for your wedding today has been your wedding rings - which shall always be an outward demonstration of your vows of love and respect; and a public showing of your commitment to each other.

You now have what remains the most honorable title which may exist between a man and a woman - the title of "husband" and "wife". For your first gift as husband and wife, that gift will be a single rose.

In the past, the rose was considered a symbol of love and a single rose always meant only one thing - it meant the words "I love you". So it is appropriate that for your first gift - as husband and wife - that gift would be a single rose.

Please exchange your first gift as husband and wife.

(Note: if you wish, you can play a special song at this point - see Suggested Songs - Unity Candle & Rose Ceremonies in this section)

In some ways, it seems like you have not done anything at all. Just a moment ago you were holding one small rose - and now you are holding one small rose. In some ways, a marriage ceremony is like this. In some ways, tomorrow is going to seem no different than yesterday. But in fact today, just now, you both have given and received one of the most valuable and precious gifts of life - one I hope you always remember - the gift of true and abiding love within the devotion of marriage.

_____________and____________, I would ask that where ever you make your home in the future - whether it be a large and elegant home - or a small and graceful one - that you both pick one very special location for roses; so that on each anniversary of this truly wonderful occasion you both may take a rose to that spot both as a recommitment to your marriage - and a recommitment that THIS will be a marriage based upon love.

In every marriage there are times where it is difficult to find the right words. It is easiest to hurt those who we most love. It is easiest to be most hurt by those who we most love. It might be difficult some time to say the words "I am sorry" or "I forgive you"; "I need you" or "I am hurting". If this should happen, if you simply cannot find these words, leave a rose at that spot which both of you have selected - for that rose says what matters most of all and should overpower all other things and all other words.

That rose says the words "I still love you". The other should accept this rose for the words which cannot be found, and remember the love and hope that you both share today.

___________and___________, if there is anything you remember of this marriage ceremony, it is that it was love that brought you here today, it is only love which can make it a glorious union, and it is by love which your marriage shall endure."

Including Children in the Rose Ceremony
If you have children and would like to include them in the rose ceremony, the following would be added:

"Not only are ______________and_____________ creating a marriage today, but they also are forming a family with (child or children's names). Just as it is appropriate for ___________and___________ to begin their marriage by affirming their love for each other in the gift of a rose, they also wish to show you, (child or children's names), how much they love you with the gift of a rose". The Bride and Groom would then hand each child a rose, give them a hug, and whisper "I love you".

Presentation of Other Roses

Bride & Groom's Parents
The presentation of roses by the bride and groom to their parents symbolizes their affection and appreciation for the love which has brought them to this, their wedding day. Together, the couple present roses to the bride's parents and then to the groom's parents, uniting the families in this joyous celebration, saying "we love you" as they present the roses.

Mother(s) and Grandmother(s)
The bride and groom may choose to honor their mother(s) and grandmother(s) with a rose. The rose symbolizes many things, among them eternal love. (Roses may also be given to female guardians or godparents). The rose may be any color. If the bride has roses in her bouquet, she may wish to remove a rose from her bouquet and present it to the mother(s) and grandmother(s), saying, "we love you".

Suggested Songs

The following songs will be suitable for either the Unity Candle Ceremony or Rose Ceremony. More selections may be found in the Ceremony Music article.

Family Medallions

The Family Medallion is an oval pendant (3/4" x 5/8") given to children (from second and subsequent marriages) during a special ceremony at the wedding service, signifying the creation of a new "blended" family.

The Family Medallion symbol, designed by Dr. Roger Coleman, has 3 equally merged circles. Two circles represent the marriage union and the third circle symbolizes the importance of children within the family.

After the couple exchange vows, the bride and groom place a Family Medallion around the neck of each child (or attach the lapel pin) providing a unique opportunity to pledge their love and support to those children either spouse brings to the marriage.

The pendants come complete with an 18" chain, keepsake booklet, poem and several ceremony examples. The presentation ceremony, "Celebrating the New Family", (written by Dr. Roger Coleman, Chairman & Founder, The Coleman Collection, Clergy Services, Inc.), is easily adapted to any wedding tradition. Lapel pins provide an alternative to the Family Medallion pendant.

Family Medallions and label pins are available from your local Wedding or Party Supply store or can be purchased by writing to Special Event Network, PO Box 343, Big Flats, NY 14814.

Presenting the Family Medallion During the Wedding Service
Below is an outline of "Celebrating the New Family" ceremony written Dr. Coleman. The complete presentation ceremony comes free with each Family Medallion.

Introduction
"Often marriage is viewed as the union of two persons. In reality, marriage is much broader. It is always a joining of families....."

The Unity of God's Family
"We are, in fact, all members of one family." (Selected Scripture readings on God's one family are provided in the booklet for optional use)

Recognition of Children
"As part of the family nature of this marriage we recognize_____________and (his/her/their) importance........"

Presentation of Medallion(s)
"In the placing of this Family Medallion(s) we pledge to you, ______________, our continuing love even as we surround you with our arms of support......."

Reading from the Prophet
"...You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are set forth."

Prayer for the Family
"We give thanks, O Lord, for the relationship here celebrated. In your presence we are humbled by the recognition that today we face a new future, one which love has unfolded and is unfolding before our very eyes..."

Introduction of the Family
"It is my pleasure to present to you ___________and_________ in their new relationship as husband and wife and their child(ren)____________.

Compiled by the Special Event Network Staff